I don't want to leave
by inuzukagirl1
Summary: When Dean woke up, he was with Lisa. He was happy. He has got a family. But something was wrong and he figured out what it is. And now his heart is thorn apart.


Dean looked at the house, then he glanced at the front door. Should he went toward the door and ring the doorbell? Should he talk to her? Should he really do that?

He sighed softly. Why did he always come back here? In fact he knew, that there never would be anything between them. It would be to dangerous for Lisa and for Ben.

But he knew, she loved him and he also loved her. He knew it. He also knew Lisa would be happy if they would be together.

Dean knew he also would be happy with Lisa.

But he couldn't do it. Not to her. She was way to important. He would bring her in danger if he hadn't done already.

And in fact he would never be with here, because he had to chase monsters.

He would never be there for Ben. He would be a lot worse father than John was to him.

And really, all this shit with having children and being a father, that was nothing for a Dean Winchester. Or? He wasn't so sure anymore...

Thereby he didn't know many children, but when he saw Ben... The little Boy looked so much alike him, he badly wanted to believe he was the father. Lisa said wasn't his his son, but Dean just couldn't belief her.

And sometimes he just wanted to be a real Dad for Ben. He wanted to be the one Ben call first, when he wrote a good mark in school, the one Ben told first when he was in love for the first time. He wanted to be a good dad for Ben. He knew how cheesy this sounded like, but he couldn't help himself. He loved Lisa and he loved Ben as a son.

But he couldn't. It would be to dangerous.

He wanted to turn around, but suddenly there was somebody behind him. A stranger. Dean drew his revolver and fired, but the bullet didn't hurt the stranger. The man just hit him with something and Dean blacked out.

After some time he woke up again, he was lying on the sofa. In front of him, there sat a woman.

Dean blinked and then he saw it was Lisa.

She sat next to the Sofa on a chair and watched him concerned. Her eyes were red, she looked like she had cried recently.

"Dean? Dean, sweetheart how are you?", she asked worried, as he opened up his eyes.

"What? What happened?" Dean tried to sit up, but Lisa softly pressed him back into the sofa.

"Stay calm. You just woke up. You blacked out about five hours ago."

"What?!", Dean nearly screamed and tried to jump up, but his weakness and Lisa prevented that.

But Dean couldn't stay here! Sam must be so worried about him.

"Sammy.", he whispered, but also his tongue felt heavy and weak.

Lisa didn't seam to hear what he said.

"So now calm down and lay back. You have to rest." She covered him with the duvet and rubbed carefully trough his hair.

Dean smiled and suddenly Lisa bent over and kissed him.

Dean froze and screwed up his eyes confused. Then he hid his face in the pad and didn't look up until he was sure that Lisa stood up and went away.

And then he started to think.

What was happening? Why was he here? Why was he at Lisa's house? And why did Lisa kiss him? And call him sweetheart?

But before he was able to continue thinking, he was interrupted.

"Mum, can I go and see Dad now?" Ben! Dean recognized his voice.

"Dad, how are you?" The little Boy ran into the room and jumped onto the couch next to Dean.

"How are you Dad?", he repeated, because Dean wasn't answering.

"Äh... I am fine." Dean looked at Ben confused. Why did this little boy call him Dad? Lisa... Lisa told Dean, that Ben wasn't his son.

What was just happening here?

Suddenly Dean felt that he was going to cry soon. He got anxiety and he nearly panicked. Something was wrong. He felt it in every little part of his body.

"Dad?"

Dean didn't react, he just looked onto the floor.

"Äh... What? Sorry I didn't hear you.", he started up, as he recognized that he had to answer.

But... Why did Ben call him Dad?

His head hurt and he pressed his hand against his forehead. It was too much. What, for god's sake, was here happening?

"Do you want an ice-bag? Mum said you should relay. She is worried about you."

Ben also looked worried and so Dean laid back on the sofa again. He smiled at Ben.

"I am fine. Thanks." Ben nodded and stood up.

"Ähm, just for the report, what did happen? Why does everything hurt so much?", Dean cat-called him. He recognized a bold man punching him. Something about him had been strange, but Dean couldn't picture what it was.

"You fell off the ladder, when you tried to mend the gutter. Ben, you should go to your Room now, I think your Dad need to sleep."

Ben nodded and went out of the room, Lisa went up to Dean.

"How are you, sweetheart?" She looked at him really concerned.

"I'm fine. Really."

Lisa smiled. "That's fine. But you really need to sleep now.

Dean nodded and wrapped into the blankets. He didn't want to stress Lisa, he didn't want to burder her with his problems. She didn't deserve this. He didn't want to scare her.

She didn't know anything about Demons or the other things he hunt. And she shouldn't know about it. She should be able to sleep well at night. So he would try to fit in his role, until he figured out what was happening here.

And why did Lisa call him sweetheart?

Lisa left and Dean was alone in the room. He searched through his pockets, but he couldn't find his mobile. Where did he leave it?

After a while he spotted it on the table. He reached for it and searched through the numbers.

"Baby, Ben, Sam, Felix, Annette...", he mumbled.

He only knew the first three. And he didn't even had Bobby's cellphone number.

He really hat to talk to Sam. He tapped on Sams number and looked confused at the picture. Sam stood there with a foreign woman. She was wearing a wedding dress and they looked like they were really in love. But Dean didn't want to think about it. He had other problems.

"Hello, Sam Winchester.", Sam answered the phone and Dean exhaled in relief.

"Hi, Sammy. How are you?"

But instead of a happy "I'm fine. Thank you." there was only silence replying.

"S-A-M-M-Y?", Sam said confused.

"Yes, Sammy. It's me Dean."

"Ah, hello Dean. Äh... Why do you call me?"

"I just wanted to know, how you are." Another lie but for some reasons he didn't think it would be clever to tell Sam the truth.

"I'm find, but why are you interested in that?"

Dean was speechless. Why shouldn't he be interested in that? "You are my younger Brother, Sammy."

"Come on, Dean, what did you take? Or are their any problems with Lisa? You didn't call me for a long time. And you only called me Sammy when we were children."

"What? Äh... No everything's okay with Lisa. I just wanted to know how you are."

"Dean, don't lie to me. We are brothers. We drove through the whole US in the impala, I know it when you are lying. So what happened?"

Sam also seemed to be concerned. Why did everybody worry about him?

"I don't know."

"Come on, Dean. You can tell me everything. I am your brother."

"I mean, I don't know anything anymore. That's the problem. I can't remember I got in a relationship with Lisa. And Ben isn't my son. Is this just a weird dream?"

"Dean really, what stuff did you take? Did you drink to much?"

"No, I didn't. Lisa said, I fell of a ladder. I don't know what happened."

"Oh... Well maybe you fell on your head. Everything is going to be okay. And if you don't know anything anymore, why don't you ask Lisa?"

"I don't want that she worries about me. Please tell me, what is happening here."

"Well, you and Lisa are married and Ben is your son. You made a paternity. You were really proud. Do you remember?"

"No."

"Do you remember what happened before you met Lisa?"

Dean shook his head. He wasn't sure what was real and what was just fiction.

"No."

"Ähm, okay... I started the Apocalypse, do you remember that?"

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"Great. Ähm, so Lucifer is in the cage and all the monsters are back in hell. You and Lisa are married."

Dean smiled. He really was a father. He had a family. Lisa, Ben and he. The world was saved. Everything was fine. That would be beautiful.

"So, do you remember now?"

"Yes. Thanks for your support Sam." He lied again, but his head felt dizzy. It was too much.

"Okay bye. And phone me sometimes."

After Sam hang up the phone Dean slowly put his mobile on the desk. "Bye, Sammy.", he whispered.

He wrapped up in the sheets again, don't knowing if he should scream or cry. But maybe he just should be happy? Happy, because everything was fine. He had a girlfriend, no a wife, a lovely son. He had a family.

He always had wanted a family. He didn't want do chase monsters, he didn't want more demons or angels. But here everything would be fine.

"How are you now, Dean?", Lisa asked him, when she came into the room again.

"I'm fine."

Lisa smiled at him and then she turned around and went to the table. She was whistling.

Suddenly Dean saw himself, hanging in a dirty room, hanging in chains, bleeding.

And then he realized, what this here was about. It hit him like a punch in the face and it hurt so much. It felt like somebody was just punching him and ripping his heart out of his chest.

This was not real. This was just an imagination.

Dean shook his head, tears were filling his eyes.

This wasn't real. It was just in his mind. A Djinn. This son of a bitch!

But when Lisa turned around he smiled and blinked the tears away. Lisa came to him.

"Are you really fine?"

"Yes, I am." Dean smiled, but on the inside his heart just shattered.

Lisa smiled happily. Then she bend over and pressed her lips against Deans. "That's fine."

She sat on his lap and stroke trough his hair.

"Hm, I love you, Dean."

"I love you too, Lisa."

The next morning Dean woke up in a comfortable bed. He smiled for one second, but his smile just fell out of his face and splattered on the hard ground of reality.

Everything here, his life here, was just an illusion, a beautiful, but deadly illusion.

And now matter, how much he wanted to stay here, have this life with Lisa and Ben, he couldn't.

He would die in reality. Maybe here it would feel like a lifetime, but he would die and the world out there need him.

It would be selfish to stay here and be happy, when the real world was falling to pieces and Sam would be all alone.

He slowly stood up and recognized, he was naked. He smiled thinking about yesterday. Did Lisa still call him "Dean, the-best-night-of-my-life Dean"?

He put on clothing and bent over to kiss Lisa on the cheek, then a gently kiss on the lips. "I am going to miss you, Li... Baby." He didn't know why he called her Baby, it just felt... right.

Then he went to Ben, his son. He stood in front of his bed and again tears were running down his cheeks.

"Stay as you are, my Son. I know I am a bad father. I'm sorry. Carry on, my little son."

He turned around and went out of the house. He had to find the Djinn.

Suddenly the world in front of his eyes flattered and blurred and then he woke up. His hands were tied over his head and he was hanging from the ceiling. Every part of his body hurt.

In front of him there was a heavily tattooed man, the djinn.

Dean sneered. "Let me go. I don't want this dream anymore."

His voice trembled, he was really weak.

"Hm, no."

The djinn reached out and wanted to touch Deans forehead and put him into the dream again, but before he touched him, his eyes opened up and he fell on his knees and just seconds later he fell on the ground with a hollow sound facing the floor.

„Sorry Dean, I need you here, you can't dream any longer.", Sam shouted and went to Dean. He quickly freed him from his chains.

„Good work, little Brother. A silver knife dipped in lamb's blood. Really good.", Dean mumbled and tried to smile. He wanted to appear strong even when he was shattered on the inside. Again.

He just hated djinns, hated it that he broke again, hated it that he always had to leave his dreams.

But life wasn't a dream.

"Thanks, Sammy."

Sam nodded and helped Dean to walk out of the old warehouse.

He brought Dean back to the motel. Dean showered himself and then he got to bed. Exhausted, he fell asleep.

Dean looked at the house, then he saw at the front door. Should he walk up and ring the doorbell? Should he talk to her? Should he really do that?

He wanted to, but he didn't do it. No, he couldn't. He hadn't stopped the apocalypse yet. First he had to save the world, maybe he could get back here then. Maybe someday. But not today.

He looked one last moment at Lisa's house, then he turned around and sat in the impala, drove back to Sam.

He had to go away from here. He had to do so many things first, but maybe he would be able to come back to her and Ben someday, but not today and not in the near future.

He turned on the radio, ACDC came on and with the awesome music in the background he drove to Sam, drove with him away from Lisa and Ben. He left them behind and tried to focus on his job.

But when it was over, he would come back. If he survived that long.


End file.
